Ex-Straight Edger too embarrassed to admit he sold out with a wine-spritzer

Hartford, CT. 23 year old ex-edgeman Justin Feister recently decide to end his unbroken six-year stint abiding by the Straight Edge. “I just came to that point in my life where being edge was less of a priority. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the ‘core, and have complete respect for the edge, it’s just not such a big deal to me personally. Plus none of my friends are edge anymore.” Unfortunately for Justin, when the time came for him to sell out, the materials available were not of the nature he hoped. “I was mortified. I was with my girl Jess, she said she would supply everything I needed to go out in style. Then when it came to it, she completely forgot – and all we had at the house was two litres of premixed white wine-spritzer. I was determined that this was to be the day, so we went ahead. To be honest, it was delicious and refreshing, and gave me a buzz that was light and manageable.” Feister could not admit the truth to his fellow core-men: “I made the story up – I told them I sank two bottles of Jack Daniels and a gram of coke. They were impressed, and a couple of them high-fived and hugged me. In reality, the smell of JD makes me feel sick, and I wouldn’t have the first clue where to score coke. And no way am I putting that shit up my nose anyway.” Feister was the last of his original crew of five ex-edgemen to break. “They make a lot of noise about how they like to party now, but to be honest I have rarely seen them drink, let alone anything else. My bro Eddie threw up after two glasses of beer on his birthday.” Feister admits he has no plans to drink anything other than spritzers for the time being. “I tried the wine on its own, but I nearly choked, and some of it came out my nose.”